Love and Fear
Embrace the unknown as there is growth in discomfort.
Claim the new.
Your energetic vibration will be matched by physical manifestation. Whatever you have already manifested in your life is a reflection of your energetic vibration.
This blog is about how to take charge of this energy and use it to manifest a better more beautiful relationship with your beloved.
Using Fear as a Template, We Will be Stuck and Unhappy
Perhaps if you are manifesting strife - conflict, tension, anger, and sadness - you are living in fear. When in relationship (like marriage) how do we banish fear so love can shine? How do we welcome love in? How does anyone create an atmosphere of safety, calm, and relaxation? How do we generate positive loving feelings within us and around us?
We must make that our top priority in relationship or we will be unable to solve problems. Or tolerate differences. If fear is our template, we will be stuck and unhappy.
Can fear live in an atmosphere of love?
How does fear affect our prefrontal cortex and creativity?
Accept and accommodate differences in relationship. What if we went even farther than that? What if we embraced, celebrated, and honoured these differences? Even farther - what if we harnessed those differences to serve eachother? To create a powerful alliance where the sum is greater than its parts?
What would that look like?
What is your Superpower?
Be aware of the power differentials within the relationship. Can you tell when there is a power struggle happening?
What does it look and feel like?
Think of a time when you willingly and actively shared power - or even gave it away? How do you want to use power with your beloved?
Power can be used to uplift and empower or to belittle, judge, bully and destroy. Know that every time you interact with your loved one you are wielding a sword that can either cut down or protect them.
What do you choose to do with your power?
What is your particular superpower?
What special ability can you choose to use for good or for evil in the relationship?
Provide space for the other to move towards you. This may mean stepping back and giving room for the other's way of being, energy, and physical presence. It may mean extending grace, forgiveness, giving them the benefit of the doubt, or allowing freely for whatever they bring to the table.
How would you draw your partner close to you at a time of safety and love?
Can you make room for safety and love while in a place of fear or uncertainty?
What are you scared of?
Can you share it - would that create space just naming the fear?
Sexual Intimacy
Try being friendly and playful with fun banter and casual but tender affection before focusing on sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy can be scary and if there is already fear living amongst you in this relationship you need to clear a path for safety, relaxation, and a calm nervous system.
What better way than to laugh! To have some kind of fun if even momentarily. What could you laugh about? What about this moment or life in general is absurd and ridiculous? How could you align in your "making fun" of something?
Is there something you enjoy about your partner that you'd like to shine a light on? Find something to enjoy about your beloved. Make it explicit: Name it, celebrate it, be grateful for it.
Have more special time together - demonstrate specialness with each other. What makes you feel special? I know that just being reminded of the unique position I hold in someone's life can sometimes be enough.
When I am heard and seen accurately - or even in ways beyond what I am capable of seeing myself - I feel special. When the me-ness is known and enjoyed without judgement or reservation. And I can tell I am loved by the twinkle in their eye, a grin impossible to conceal, spontaneous physical touch, excitement in their voice, or energy in the tone - an urgency to be close. Their urgency to be close and known by me and me of them. That is special.
How can you make time to allow this dance to unfold between you?
You do not need money or a lot of time or fancy plans. Just freedom in your heart, room to breathe, permission to express, and safety to let go.
To let your heart sing the song of praise for the Joy and Admiration you hold for your beloved.
To set the energy of that joy and admiration free to be felt and reverberate in your beloved's heart. Allow your deepest nature (which is love) express itself with abandon.
Deep humility, Non-judgment, Compassion, Empathy, and genuine Love are Antidotes to Contempt
Examine and reflect on the negative ramification for contempt in relationship.
The feeling/dynamic of contempt indicates the need for connection.
Contempt, disgust and even hate stems from shame.
"I'm better than" ideation is covering up an "I'm worthless" inner state. So, in relationship the antidote to contempt is whatever protects your beloved from shame. Any healing balm for shame will protect your relationship from the toxicity of contempt.
What is a balm for shame?
Deep humility, Non-judgment, Compassion and Empathy, and genuine Love.
Even if all the love you can muster is a pale version of positive regard. Kindness and open heartedness can kill even the giants of darkness.
How can you generate more of these qualities in your relationship?
We are wired for love - designed to heal. Do not believe you need to just solve your problems or learn how to communicate. You know how to do this.
Just do it.
We Create Our Reality
We are literally creations of consciousness, and our consciousness creates reality. Which means we are partners in creation. How we pay attention and perceive reality affects reality.
In relationships this is often a source of strife - the disagreement about what is reality. And the power struggle about who gets to define reality.
What if you carefully chose what reality you brought to life?
Be mindful of your consciousness - your thoughts, the mindspace, the conversations you pursue, and how you frame your perceptions.
Make room for your beloved's reality. Co-create a reality you can both accept and that serves your relationship. Choose a consciousness that supports the relationship you want to have.
What thoughts do you need to cultivate about your partner and yourself in order to build your love?
What are some statements that you could share with your partner that bolster and encourage what you are trying to create in your lives together?
Use your thoughts and outward expressions to generate strength and power for your relationship rather than to protect yourself.
Sometimes people get overwhelmed and discouraged. They feel tired and burnt out and don't know if they have "it" in them to give any more.
Don't believe it.
The same vibration (energy) that is holding your body together holds everything else together.
Align yourself with the divine and you will be connecting with the most powerful energy in the universe.
The energy of creation.
The power to create the “just enough” humility, compassion, kindness, empathy or whatever is needed for healing in any given moment.
There are only two main energy types: love and fear. They are mutually exclusive. The opposite of fear is JOY. Choose Joy when you cannot love. Choose love if you can as it is the energy of life.
Speak out loud what you want, and know you will receive, and that you are allowed. Tell your partner right now what you need and want. Listen deeply and dig in as you have to give what they need.
If you want to give it.
